Tamed Emotions and chained feelings.

The other day I got a call from a friend. She was sounding too low and tensed.The phone call was from a concerned sister seeking help for her brother. She had called me to tell me that her brother had a break up recently and he was too depressed and she wanted me to talk things out with him and counsel him out of the depression. I told her I would be at her place the following morning. 
I have been counseling such cases just as a hobby and not a profession. I have no official degree in it but I do it as a gesture of kindness to people who don't understand the pain of a heart break and can't handle it. What makes me the expert in doing so? Well, philosophically speaking I ain't got a heart anymore. It has been destroyed and broken so many times that it doesn't exist anymore. Physically and mentally speaking I am into a state of "Emotional Paralysis" a acute condition of numbness towards all emotions caused due to chemical imbalance in the brain leading to a feeling plainly termed as love and resulting into a state of total solitude and ignorant to any kind of companionship. Well I guess that was scientifically enough I could explain it. 
I went into the room in which this fellow was sitting. Without speaking a single word I looked at him and he just gave me a faint smile. I knew this guy has had it a big time and his heart has been stabbed not with a dagger but with a huge sword and everything inside was drained out inhumanly. He was sitting by the window which I expected to be the reaction. My three heart breaks told me that once there is a break up the person involved would be found sitting at the windows and generally looking at the setting sun. I just sat beside him and his sister in the meanwhile prepared coffee and brought it for us. All three of us were sitting in the room sipping coffee. Silence was the only communication we were having someone would say but there was a lot I was able to listen to from this guy's eyes and the tears in them. While sipping the coffee my friend looked at me with questioning eyes I just nodded my head and signaled her that I will speak to him. 
I cleared my throat and again sipped another sip of coffee.I then spoke. "Do you know why I am here?" He looked at me and with a faint voice said "Yes. To give me a counseling lecture on love and such things. Right. But nothing you say would ever change anything for me will it. All my happiness has gone away with that one very person." At this moment I had mixed emotions. One part of my brain was about to slap this guy tightly on his face for being such a devdas and the other part of my brain could connect to his pain as I also had quoted such words in the past at some juncture. The only difference was he said it to me and I spoke to the mirror when it had happened with me. "Exactly! Nothing I  say would change anything and nothing anyone would do bring you back any happiness or anything at all that you want at this very point. Frankly all this is just as pathetic as it gets. People will quote a lot of stuff and they will say a lot of things and promise a lot of stuff like 'I am always with you, just give me a call and I will be there for you.' Friends will understand the pain for sometime but then they will also leave you all alone with your agony and pain and finally all you will have to yourself to talk to would be that mirror on the wall." He looked at me.Only this time he was listening to me more intently. I looked at him with a confident smile. I knew I had broken the outer shell, just that I was happy this time I could break it quickly I was getting better at this counseling thing lol. I then spoke again "You see Love, Friends, Relations, Family, Faith, God etc are just big words and ultimately they practically wont mean a lot to you if you could tame your emotions and chain your feelings. Remember emotions make a man weak and being emotional attached to people will always make you sit at this window for hours and hours and gain nothing except for weight and unwanted fat. You don't believe me then give a closer look at my physique. You remember those days when I and your sister were your age and I use to come down to play here with you guys. Remember how I looked." "Yes you were athletic and had a nice build and were a football enthusiast and I always wondered what happened to that." He was now connecting to my talks. "Well LOVE and HEART BREAK is what happened to that. 3 consecutive heart breaks in a row I was out of one and into one and all I did was sat at the window and finally just had a mirror to talk to me. Friends walked out on me, family thought I had turned lazy and was nothing but a pathetic, stupid moron. Finally, I myself lost all interest in my own existence and my own appearance. This is the product of my insensitivity towards my own self." He was now listening with all the attention I wanted. His sister went into the kitchen to get something to munch on. Of course being a fat guy I would always want to munch on something. "You don't understand the pain it is much intense then you were in. Trust me you seriously don't know." He said. This did hurt me a little as I never wanted anyone to judge the pain I was in. But then too I was here to counsel not to fight or discuss my pain or sorrow. "What makes you think so?" I asked him this because I wanted him to answer it and I wanted to lead the conversation towards the tricks of taming emotions and chaining feelings. His sister heard this and she was bit angry on her brother she was about to interrupt but I gestured her not to. "Well you are so easily out of it and you don't seem to be crying anymore about your broken heart. So its simple if the pain was too deep you could have never surfaced from it." I think the boy had a valid point. Not to glorify myself but yes looking at me no one could ever believe what lay beneath the laughter and jokes I always cracked. "You know something. My hobby is performing stand up comedy on stage. I am an entertainer and the most toughest role life has given me is smiling and hiding my sorrow inside me. I am not allowed to drop even a single drop of tear from my eye, My performance has to be flawless and the one which can convince people that laughter is amazing. What you said today made me feel proud that I could act well and that seriously I have convinced people that I have no pain just laughter. But my friend I am just a joker not a heart-throb that is one pain which never leaves my soul alone. You think I am out of pain. No I just ignore it. It was difficult for me to learn this and master this art of ignoring pain but with an experience of heart breaks I have learnt to ignore it. You will surely learn it someday. Either the easy way or the hard way to which I wish you learn it the easy way. Pain is inevitable a never ending process. Till you exist emotional pain and burden is always with you. It  is always about loosing love in different forms like either loosing a friend, loosing a family member or loosing the girl you loved the most. The only difference is how you face it. Either ignore it and walk away or face it and sink into it and wither away. Choice is yours. I chose the path to ignore it because I chose to be responsible for my family, my friends and all the people who actually love me with all my flaws and respect me for the person I am. What do you choose? Sitting and crying like a sissy boy and just weeping like a girl that you lost the love of your life and no one understands your pain. Or do you choose to be a responsible son, brother and a responsible friend on whom people can rely that yes this guy is an amazing person. I agree losing love ain't easy I have faced it and wept and prayed like a kid but soon it taught me the real facts of life. Love, faith etc doesn't exist its all just a fake world out there. What exists is your brain, your thoughts and your attitude." I fell silent to see if my words were sinking into him. I think they were. I was actually also into a session where along with counseling him I was re-counseling my own self. I knew this session was gonna be difficult for me as it was related to love but as I had quoted to him Life has given me a role to play and being a actor I had to do justice to my role. "How do you ignore pain when it always with you.? How do you ignore the deep sunken memories.? How do you smile when you are crying.? Its easy for you may be but I ain't that strong." He responded. This was actually going pretty well as I had expected this answer. It was an expected reaction. "Strength and weakness are the same in everyone, its just that each person doesn't realize it. It is upon you to decide whether you want to live like a Untamed Lion or like a caged bird. Emotions and feelings will make a caged bird, but if you ignore them, that attitude will make you a lion. And remember a lion fears nothing and is always respected and honored. You don't have a trick to ignore pain and sorrow like do a particular thing and the IGNORE PAIN mode is on in your brain. Its not like losing weight where you exercise and your body shows the results. But ironically it is one feeling that weakens all the other stupid feelings that weaken you. You just have to ignore it on purpose in the beginning. Deliberately, make your brain do things you want it to do and  not let it wander in memories. The common way is keeping your self busy and all but the best way is speaking to your brain. Telling it all the time that it should not wander into the woods of memories. When we were kids we were told to write and learn things like 5 times or 4 times to learn them by heart and imprint the knowledge in our brain forever, this process is also somewhat similar. It will take a little time but yes it will be helpful soon enough. It will not make a window elephant but a lion in the open. It will help you focus on your career and your betterment and this will make you strong." He looked at me and he knew what I was talking about. I knew my words had sunken into him yet he had a query. "Do you think this will help me forget her. Will this help me to move on in life. And if love is the cause of all problems I should not be in love at all right." "This may not help you to forget her but it will help you to ignore her. This may not help you to move on in life but for sure it will take you places in life. Love is the root cause of all problems but it is also the solution to all your issues." He and sister both looked at me confused. "I did understand the first two statements but how the hell is love both the problem and the solution." His sister asked this time. "Loving someone else who ain't worth it is the problem and loving your own self more than anyone or anything in this world is the solution to all his problems. Loving your own self, pampering your self with new things you always wanted and achieving new targets in life like in business or going to destinations you always wanted to go, making yourself the best in everything and learning new things everyday is the key to ignoring everything else." They both understood what I meant. "Kunal can really this happen that I can ignore this pain and come out of all this." "If you want to go out of a room you have to open the door. The key is in your hand my friend. If you want to come out of it yes you can. We can extend a hand to you to come out of it but we can't jump in to get you out." With this I thought it was enough for the first session which according to me went well. I knew he would need more such sessions but he will be fine in no time. 
My friend and I left her brother alone in the room and went out. I wanted him to sit and ponder on what I said. It was time for me to go home. She came down the stairs and on the porch we stood chatting with each other. She asked me a question" Kunal don't you miss her. Don't you feel the pain. Don't you want her to come back." I just looked at her and told her "I choose to ignore it." She knew my answer. 
While walking home my heart was pounding with pain and sorrow. My eyes filled with tears. With every such session I do with someone every time a part of me breaks in a corner of my heart. But to over come pain and win over it you have to face it everyday. I do miss her I do want her back I do love her, but my role is that of a joker and not of a heart-throb. My work is to be responsible and fend for my family my aging parents.My duty is to be a good son,a good brother and a good friend. Guys aren't allowed to cry.  A guy with tears in his eyes is easily taken for granted and never deemed to important by anyone. I no longer believe in the words she said. With every such session I not only counsel those people but I counsel my self. Every time I see a heart broken person my belief in my statement that emotions make a man weak becomes more and more strong and deep and it makes me ignore more emotions and become insensitive. People like us are expendables. We aren't important to anyone neither anyone wants us back. We are entertainers, we are the jokers, we are like that Untamed lion. We have tamed emotions and chained feelings. This is the truth I have trained my brain to believe in and this is what I plan to live by forever..........