The Key to Choose.

I was sitting in the hotel lobby when I overheard a group of people discussing on the stuff called “Arranged Marriage”. I was intently trying to listen. I could hear only bits and pieces of the complete conversation. Being a relationship counselor and a writer I had to know the views of people on this hot topic of “Arranged Marriage”. The first girl said she was not sure how to go about an arranged marriage system as she is always confused about choosing stuff in life. Yet another boy said he did not believe in the system of arranged marriage and will never marry a stranger. I could relate to this stuff as I too had the same inhibitions some time back before I developed “The Key to Choose” theory. I stood up and approached them. I introduced myself first and then said, “So you guys are having problems with the arranged marriage stuff is it?”  They said yes they had a lot of problems regarding the issue and they were pressurized by their parents to get married soon as they had already come to the threshold of the age of marriage. I heard intently to the problems and told them I could offer a solution. They said they would love to know about the solution. I told them to meet me in the hotel lobby after half hour.

After going to my room I changed into a more comfortable attire of a black t-shirt and blue jeans. I directly went to the lobby after having a cup of tea in my room. I could see the group already waiting there for me. I took a seat in the middle of everyone and gave one glance at everyone. One of the girls spoke, “So you say you have a solution. What is the solution?” I took a deep breath before I could speak. “The solution is very simple. However the solution varies according to gender. So I will first start with the boys then will come to the girls. For boys choosing a girl for marriage is exactly similar to choosing a car.” Everyone looked puzzled at me. The girls thought I meant disrespect. However, I had no intention of any disrespect or joke here. I actually believed that choosing the right girl for marriage is just like choosing a perfect car for you. One of the boys asked me, “How can choosing a girl for marriage be as simple as choosing a car?” I was ready with the answer, “Tell me, what you take into consideration while buying a car for you?” “I first see if I like the model’s make and shape, then I check for the engine make, whether the engine is powerful or not, then I inquire about the fuel efficiency, then the price. If I cannot afford it in price or I do not like one or the other feature I either ask for a modification or decide to buy another model.” He said. “Well, you have answered your previous question yourself, haven’t you?” I said with a cunning smile on my face. He still looked puzzled. “When we go to see a girl for marriage the first thing that comes to our minds is her looks, the figure, the hair, the face. This is exactly like looking at a car and its model. The visual appeal is most important. If you are sure you are not even 10% attracted to the girl in case of her looks then you have already made your decision haven’t you? So just like you don’t want an ugly car you don’t want an ugly wife. Then you spoke about the engine, in my opinion a woman’s character and her strong will and confident aura is what draws  man’s attention and then furthermore these attributes make the man fall in love with her. So if the car engine is not strong or not well built you disregard the car. In the same manner if the woman’s character is not strong or is not well groomed you disregard the woman. Isn’t it simple?” They were now having a small hint of a smile on their faces. “Now, coming to fuel efficiency, if the car is not fuel efficient we do not buy it. Relating this to choosing the girl for marriage, the point would be to see if the girl is supportive, will she be there with you forever or she will ditch you at the first hint of troubles in life. Will she comfort you in the long years of life to come ahead and give her 100% attention n, love and care and be loyal to you or will she not be able to hold up to your expectations. Will she look after your family and share responsibility. This would be the co-relation of fuel efficiency with the topic at hand. Furthermore, the price is the most important governing factor. Let me tell you very practically we don’t buy a car if it very expensive. Similarly, if you know you know you earn say 50,000/- per month and the girl has huge expectations. She just wants branded stuff and wants only foreign trips for vacations and wants you to gift her jewelry on every small or big occasion then my friend it is very clear you are not going to afford her. So you will not decide to marry her. If you do then remember you will have to keep paying EMI’s in to the banks and here I mean it literally taking loans to satisfy her needs and expectations. Compromise in an arranged marriage is like a unsaid rule. You will ask for modifications in the features of a car if you do not like some features, well you can ask the same to a girl whether she will be able to adjust to your surroundings, whether she will be able to handle stuff with you regarding family matters or no. Finally there will be certain aspects where you will let go certain negative aspects and marry her hence either making compromises on both ends or shall I say making modifications or asking for modifications and vice versa. It is that simple. This is the key to choose my friend.”

The guys looked puzzled but slowly the quizzical looks turned into looks of content and ease. “What is the key to choose for us girls?” The same girl who spoke earlier asked me the question. “Well for girls it’s like investing in an insurance policy. Now you tell me what things you consider while getting an insurance policy?” I asked. “I would see if the policy suits my needs, if it gives me proper insurance cover, how much premium do I have to pay and what rate of return would I get if I have not claimed any bonuses, will it give me accident cover. Will I get a tax rebate?” “Whoa! That was a wise woman speaking.” I said. Everyone giggled. “Well, while choosing a guy make sure about the financial stuff. Remember we live in a patriarchal society. Here the women need to leave their paternal homes and settle with the guys. Also women here not considered running the house with their income. If they do then it is amazing. Which, it should be actually. Every woman should be allowed to have a career of her own if she wishes to have one. Nonetheless if she wishes to be a housewife the husband should be efficient enough to look after the family’s financial needs. So first check the financial stability which co-relates to how much cover an insurance policy can give you. If the cover is not sufficient then you do not buy the policy similarly if the boy is not financially stable do not marry him. You said something about accident cover. Now, as I previously said a girl has to leave her parental home and live with the guy and his family. In case of emergencies with the girl’s family, will the guy support her family?  In the time of need of his in-laws will he be more of a son than a son-in-law. Will have enough resources to help are the things that co-relate to accident cover. Every insurance policy has a premium to be paid. Here the premium to be paid is love and affection and care. Will you be able to love him forever and 100% and will you be able to top up this premium of love and affection every now and then. Because if you cannot then this policy will lapse leaving your married life devastated and both the parties emotionally hurt. Well the bonuses and rate of return here would mean will he love you the same, will he thrive to achieve much in life to fulfill your dreams and support you in whatever you want to do. Will see the efforts you take to make his everyday life beautiful and will he appreciate those efforts every time with either gifts, compliments, love, hugs or kisses. Will he take equal efforts in return to make life more and more beautiful for you every day? If yes, then go ahead sign the policy. It is that simple.”

“Well, all this is fine. But how do we judge them? Are there any specific questions or gestures we ought to look for while talking to them or shall we screen their body language or what?” One of them asked.

“When you first master this process of co-relation you will master the tricks to knowing the key points in this key to choose. You will yourself find that you are able to judge them more easily then you did before once you build this road map in your brain.” I said.