Death:Foe or Friend?

Death:Foe or Friend?

Being a freelance counselor, gives you a lot of chances to experience different kind of pains without actually facing the situations. I am often consulted for grief counseling. Grief, a small word, has a huge and varied impact, on different individuals, experiencing it.

I never visit hospitals to meet the ill or do not go to funerals to pay my respects to the deceased. I cannot be trusted with my words there because I get scared at these two places. As a child I have had a tough time seeing my dad in hospital and my mother crying every day. That memory has given birth to a phobia in my brain towards hospitals. Funerals are the last place anyone would want me to be at. An imaginary brain that is addicted to finding laughter in every essence of life is the most pathetic asset someone would want to carry to a funeral. However, my problem is I cannot detach this asset whatsoever. I would not be surprised if I do not attend my own funeral for the fear of laughing.

Life often has this habit of mocking you. With life you can be sure it knows your deepest secrets and it will tease you on your most horrifying fears. I am the favorite opponent life chooses to go for a battle with I guess. Never in my age of 31 years has life ever gone soft on me. This time it decided to mock my fear of hospitals and my avoidance of funeral both simultaneously. A close friend called in. She had her father admitted to the hospital and he was in a critical condition. She was crying on the phone and it was pitiful. I reluctantly decided to drag myself into this knowing that the consequences could be bad for me. I decided to keep my mouth shut during my presence there so that I do not land up hurting sentiments or speaking anything that could affect my friend or her family. Can someone imagine that a writer can be bad at choosing his words and can land up into huge issues with his near and dear ones because of the unwise sequencing of his words? Rarely that happens.

I reached the hospital. I inquired about the room in which my friend’s father had been admitted to and immediately went to that room. She was crying. I held her in my arms consoled her. I gave her assurance that nothing negative would happen and that her father will be hale and hearty soon. This I could do out of common human courtesy I had learnt back home from my mother and father. After sometime I went to talk to the doctor to know about the situation. The doctor greeted me with a bad news that her father was on the ventilator and would not last the night. I was sad and also terrified as to how would I break this news to her? The last thing I would want to do is carry the burden to break such news to someone close to me. I sat down in the lobby on a bench. I was trying to compose myself so that I could confront my friend and tell her the truth.

It had been 15 minutes. I had shut my eyes and was in deep thought. It was late in the night. The lobby was practically vacant. There were just a few lights on. Suddenly I opened my eyes to see a beautiful woman sitting next to me. She was looking at me and smiling. I did not know the woman. I was also surprised to my luck that a beautiful woman is sitting next to me and smiling. However, this would be the most pathetic time to flirt with someone. That woman smiled even more. I was now having mixed reactions. I was annoyed on one hand with two things at hand one the news and second the smile of this woman. I was also freaked out as to who this woman was and why was she sitting next to me?

“Don’t worry. You don’t know me. We have never met. Yes it will be the most pathetic time to flirt with me. Frankly, flirting with me would be injurious to health.” She said. I was now totally freaked out. Forget being annoyed I was horrified now. I had heard rumors about ghosts moving around in hospitals but I always ignored the factor because of rational thinking. However, here I was sitting next to one. She again said, “No I am not a ghost but I know what you are thinking. Well it is no rocket science or magic, I have this skill of reading people’s expressions and knowing what they are thinking. So relax do not be scared. I am not going to eat you” she giggled. I thought maybe she is here for some patient. “Yes I am here for a patient.” She said. “Ok! Now can you please stop this? This mind reading thing of yours is annoying me. I am already in a dilemma of my own. You please go and accompany the patient you are here for.” I said with a pinch of anger. “I will go to the patient too, but first I wanted to speak to you. You are Kunal Patrawala right. You are a writer I have read your work. I often visit your blog. I am impressed by your logic about God, life and other aspects of human existence. I must say I am a fan.”  Well, I do not know about others but when I get a compliment about my work I become pretty happy and the person who has complimented me becomes my best friend for life. Writing is a tough job. You  have 1000s of critics out there. Some are genuine the others are self-proclaimed grammar Nazis as Twitter defines them. However, for a writer every critic converted to a fan is like winning the 3^rd world war. So now I was getting a bit comfortable with this woman knowing that she has read my work. All I could analyze is that maybe she is a regular reader of mine and now she is in need of counseling as she knows I am a counselor. So I asked her, “So you are here with a patient?” She looked at me smiled and said, “Yes I have come to take him home.” I now could gather that she is going to wait till morning and will finish the formalities of discharge and then take the man home.

There was silence for some time and then she asked, “You are worried as to how will you break this news to your friend that her father will not last the night right?”  I was surprised but then again remembered she had skills. To me this was not surprising people having such skills. Every human has this skill all it needs is to train your mind to see the unspoken words in between the expressions and everyone can accurately analyze the thoughts of any other individuals. Most of the top notch spies use these techniques and also psychiatrists and psychologists. I said, “Yes indeed. She is a close friend and a very dear one to me. Breaking this news to her would be hurting her the most. I cannot do that. It is very difficult for me to do this. I do not know what to do?”  

“The perception of death is so misunderstood and misinterpreted by humans that that they make friends with fear and wage a war on death using false and fake weapons like the ventilators and medicines. Death is a concept that is inevitable and which will romance you so truly that even life itself will be jealous to lose you to death. Life is so pathetic it gives you so little in the terms of happiness and so much more in terms of trauma. Death on the other hand frees you from the illusions of life, relations and all the sorrow attached to it. Death romances only you and does not adulterate its feelings for you. Life on the other hand becomes a teacher, a mother, a lover, a friend and keeps changing to alternative realities conning you into believing that it is teaching you something. The lessons of life are never ending and they just keep on coming and coming. In the end you lay down as a corpse, all those lessons gone down to the drains and of no use to you anymore. What is the point of all this?”  She said.

“Bravo! Well said. However, it is painful for the kith and kin to lose a family member. They will never have the chance to spend time with the deceased nor will they be able to love them anymore. They will not have that meal once more with them or sing that song they loved again. Life, though and adulterator gives a chance to do all this and any rational human would take this chance. Death takes this all away. Though inevitable death is always avoided and is never spoken of or rejoiced. Life on the other hand is rejoiced and is enjoyed for all its sorrows and happiness. The lessons life imparts playing different roles are important to every human who understands them, because when he lays down in the end as corpse he knows there was nothing left for him to do or to achieve life gave away all to him. So that when lays down waiting to start this new affair with death, he knows he will not miss anything. He will depart content that he is going out leaving a legacy of knowledge, wealth and happiness behind. His jokes will be shared, his laughter will be contagiously remembered and his act of living life will be embraced by many. Every human is born as a raw material to a master piece and leaves the world a brilliant chronicle of events. So that when he meets his creator he can share those chronicles and the creator could enjoy the movie sitting back and creating more such miracles. Hence it is a burden to disclose such news to the closest of the kin.”

She smiled, “You really have a way with words. I am impressed. But Kunal, Death is not all that bad. It is just the beginning of yet another journey. You say that the soul could meet its creator to share the chronicles of life but how can it be possible if the soul does not befriend death and does not kiss her lips with all the love in his heart. Death is the most beautiful event. It should also be rejoiced by the humans as they rejoice life. Death gives a chance to start a new. Every soul descends into a new life but that life is not possible without death. To befriend life you have to fall in love with death first. To embrace life you have to kiss death. To live for years you have to die once at least.”

“Amazing, Tell me are you a writer or a poetess. I mean such in depth perception about death. It is just beautiful. People can be easily conned into believing that death is a friend and not a foe. However, I am right now not going to romance death. I am also not going to befriend death. All I want to do is give this news to my friend.” I said.

“You just befriend death Kunal. Let alone befriending you tried to sell life to her.”

“What the hell?” I said.

“Hi, I never introduced myself. I am Death.”

I was scared now. “Hello, Ms. Death” I said with a shivering voice.

She laughed, “Relax, I am not here for you, at least not yet. You still have to sell a lot to people regarding life. You still have a lot of people to counsel and practice a lot of funeral speeches, without laughing of course.”

I cannot say I was relieved but I was now able to breathe at normal pace. I mean I was sitting next to death. I had this weird thought of even flirting with her. I seriously was telling myself that I had huge mental issues and should soon consult a psychiatrist. However the very next moment I was sad. We humans bewilder the complete thought process of destiny by harnessing the power of hope in the most hopeless of times. The doctor had told me that my friend’s father will not last the night, still I was hoping that he may survive some miracle may happen.

She smiled at me tapped me on my shoulder and said, “Relax, I am not here for him either. You can go and tell your friend he will survive. The doctors have miscalculated. Besides he is not that handsome so I do not feel like romancing him as yet. I am here for some other patient. Kunal, I am not a foe; I am a friend who will come to you one day. Hopefully on a day when you lay down to kiss me and embrace me with nothing missing in your thoughts. Until then see you darling.”

She walked away silently. “Wake up Kunal, its morning already.” My friend was trying to wake me up. I opened my eyes. She was standing in front of me with tear of happiness in her eyes. She hugged me and said, “My dad is fine Kunal. He has survived. You were right nothing negative happened. Thank you so much Kunal for pushing me towards thinking positive. You are a sweet heart.” She kissed my cheeks. I was at the hospital with her till discharge procedures. When I was walking out I saw Death walking out with another man. She waved at me and smiled and walked away. I just tapped my head and walked home with a smile on my face.

I still am inconclusive as to whether death is a foe or a friend. I have heard mixed stories about people in grief. Some thank Death for being so nice to their loved ones because death freed them from sorrow and suffering yet some curse it because it took away their loved ones. In any which case I can justify death on one pretext that love is a pathetic thing it just happens you can never choose who you love. It is the same with death, it does not choose who it romances, it’s just natural it happens.

In life I crave for love,

I life I crave for hugs,

Life kept betraying me all the while,

Death was the one I found love in,

Death embraced me with a smile.

--------------------- Kunal Dhiren Patrawala.