What is Love?

“So Kunal basically you get my point? He loves me a lot I can feel it and it is good, because, I mean he is my fiancée and he loves me, but I still don’t know if I love him, I still don’t understand what love is and I still don’t know if I love him why do I love him.”

I was sitting with a friend the other day discussing some jitters she was having before her marriage. She was happily engaged to a guy who fell for her after they got engaged and she was having mixed feelings of happiness and awkwardness. In my career as a counselor I have come across many cases of wedding jitters, this one came to me at the exact moment when I was not able to find some answers to questions in my thought process. So it was both a counseling session for her and for me as well.

“I am happy that at least you are taking the effort to understand what you feel for him. Many would discard the thought just by thinking chalta hai na ab woh karta hai pyaar toh thik hai big deal husband hai hone waala pyaar karna farz hai uska (its ok if he loves me he is my husband to be so it is his duty to love me.) But you at least see the efforts the guy is putting and also want to respond which really is good. But what I don’t understand is why you are tensed when it comes to love. It is no rocket science. I can explain it to you. We can also find out if you love him or no and for what reason. But first I am feeling a little lazy so get up help me in the kitchen to make some good tea.” I said.

Back in the kitchen she told me to sit down and she would make the tea. She slowly collected all the stuff to make a good masala tea. I am lucky my friends know how I like my tea. While she was collecting ingredients, I started my session of counseling again. “So imagine love as this tea that you are making. You first collect all the correct ingredients. First you get the tea powder the main ingredient. The main ingredient in love is the craving, the craving to be with that person, the feeling that when you are with this person you are happy, there is a natural glow on your face and you tend to fly high in your attitude and your existence.” I said. She looked at me and said, “Your brain is rotting Kunal, these are obvious things everyone knows that this is love, come on Mr. Miracle Maker create some magic with words in your brain.”

“Jumping to conclusions is a very pathetic flaw we both have my friend. In my case I will work on it. In your case be patient and listen for now. This main ingredient is not love at all.” I responded to her challenge.

She now looked confused. “I am all ears I am sure now that I have challenged your brain you will get something out. Go on.”

“So the main ingredients at disposal with all the other things like the masala, milk, cardamom you collect everything at one place, in love all this is bought to the table by both the parties involved. They bring their egos, they bring their knowledge, attitude, salary figures, cars, dressing sense, looks, voice, etc but above all they bring their fears to the table. They bring their tears to the table. Everyone has tears some show them some don’t. They bring their inner soul to the table. Now lets continue making that tea. Switch on the burner and put the water to boil” I said.

She did that, “This water my friend is the binding factor of love, this factor is communication, the more clean and  clear it is the more better, when the water boils it actually makes the aroma of tea even better which refreshes our senses. The great communication between the two deep, intense and also penetrating, one which enters the soul not just the heart, is that boiling water, let it boil because the more it boils the more better it will be. Now we add the tea powder, the main ingredient. This main ingredient is the natural refresher, two people different from each other, with different thought processes, bringing so many things to the table. Then entering into a boiling hot communication, strangely this is where actually love starts to unwind its arms. Now we add the other ingredient, Milk. The milk is the purity and surety you look for. If the milk is not good in quality or taste the tea will not be tasty. Similarly if the purity of feelings is genuine and true and the surety from both is concrete the tea of love is gonna be amazing. Slowly when the milk blends in the tea powder, we add sugar. Sugar is all the understanding and mostly all the sweetness that comes in. Both do gestures for each other not out of compulsion but because by this time, both are so much on each other’s mind that they literally feel like knowing that whether the other one is safe, whether he or she has had lunch properly or no. Whether they have reached home safely or no and above all even they would have spent the whole day together, that feeling of missing their physical presence when they are not around that sweetness.”

The tea was ready. I poured it in cups and we had a sip. “Kunal tea never sounded so beautiful to me before. Seriously man this is unique. So yes whatever you said that sweetness and all, I feel for him genuinely and also I feel happy having him around.”

I smiled and said, “My friend you are already drinking a hot cup of love. Congratulations you love your fiancée. I am very happy for both of you. I hope you also know the reason now why you love him.”

She blushed now and said “Yes I know why I love him. Kunal I feel like texting him right away man.”

I smiled, “Go ahead do it. He will be the happiest man. Make his day beautiful and make your day a memory today.”

She texted him and asked me, “Has someone asked you why you love her, I am pretty sure you gave some amazing explanation picking up something around. You rarely tell us friends anything, do you also have those shivers and jitters. Tell me Kunal has she asked you why you love her and yes do what are your feelings.”

I literally laughed, “We are here to counsel you not know my story, and basically I don’t have a story yet. So there is nothing to discuss. And yes as you rightly put it across I will never be sharing it with anyone.”

“Yaar wedding gift samajh k thoda sa toh bata na dekh chali jaane waali hu main US forever k liye nai khaaungi tera dimaag uske baad please bata na (Just answer the question as a wedding gift to me, if nothing much just a little, I am getting married and going to the US forever, I will not come to bug you again.)” she was now trying to play the emotional card on me.

“Do not be so melodramatic now, fine will just share a small part, yes I was asked recently why I love her, why am I so confident about my feelings for her, at that very moment, of course I was out of words, for obvious reasons that I was just staring at her and not focusing on anything at all so whatever answer I provided at that very moment was kind of boring and simple. It was not my magic of words speaking, but today while counseling you, I came across my reasons, I love her because she refreshes my life, she brings that aroma to it of being happy, She gets that purity to the table where in blend in completely, that boiling communication that I have with her it is the most beautiful words that I have ever spoken in life, may be they were just simple words I did not play with words but they directly penetrated the soul. I wish I could sit right in front of her and tell her these words, but now it will not be that beautiful now because the heat of the moment has passed. But yes it is something strange which I have never experienced before and hence it is even more beautiful.”

She was staring at me, “Man you seriously love her a lot. I wish I could see her before I go to the US. But we all know you won’t introduce her to us.”

I smiled, I was happy my friends love me so very much, But my track record has always been bad when it comes to love, “ I don’t know what may happen what may not happen, I do not know if things will work out, all I know is I will not change, I will be happy for whatever beautiful feeling I could enjoy with her. But yes if things do not work out….”

“Come on Kunal this is not done man. Don’t even think about it man please please.” She wanted to cut down the negative thought that could have arised in my mind. She hugged me. “You know when I go to the US I am seriously gonna miss our conversations.” She smiled.

I bid her good bye and sat down to write this article. Sometimes we counselors seriously come across to our answers through our clients. I remembered I had kept the cup of tea aside. I am tea enthusiast could not let my tea wait. Could not let love wait.  I want to tell my readers, Love is a beautiful thing, never be scared of it, never ever run away from it, let it happen because it is human nature to love someone, there will be a lot of issues no doubt, but then anything beautiful never comes easy. If you are dedicated enough in life to be happy then the sorrow of a heart break will not scare you at all. Do not think of the end result, you are not entitled to create it, its not your job. God has been designated that post, but if it has knocked on your door welcome it inside with a warm heart. Do not expect the other person to love they may not, do not impose yourself on them, yes of course show them you love them, then leave it there, do not irritate them. Let them remember you for the love you had for them and not for the irritation that you gave them. Walk away if you feel you may irritate them. Walk away when you still have that dignity intact. It will not be difficult.

I pray that every person seeking their dream today finds it, every person seeking happiness finds it, I pray that no one ever needs a counselor, but if they do I pray the pain is not excruciating. With this I sign off for the next few months.