THE SCOOTER THEORY

With Valentine’s Day across the corner, the ‘love is in the air’ feeling is common around these days. I was sitting at a coffee shop having my favourite coffee and reading people.  Yes for a change sometimes it is fun to read people. We get to learn a lot from such observations. Being a writer, stand-up comedian and a counselor I often get a lot of matter. I was reading couples. A coffee shop sees more proposals, break ups, hook ups and tears of joy and sorrows when it comes to love affairs. Today along with the coffee shop even I was a witness to some such affairs.

My phone started to disturb my thoughts. I have to reluctantly keep the mobile phone me at all times. Business is another priority of life, you cannot ignore it. I looked at the screen; it was flashing the name of a friend, one who had long lost in time. We stayed in the same town, yet we had not seen each other since many years. I received the call. “Hi, is this Kunal.” He asked. “Yes.” I replied. After exchanging the initial greetings and routine stuff my friend came to the point. “Kunal I have an issue. My wife and I are thinking to get divorced, but I am not happy with the idea. I do not want to get separated. I love her a lot and do not want to lose her.” Saying this he started crying. “Hmmmmm! You expect me to talk to her and convince her not to divorce you right?” I asked. “Yes. Please if you could. I know you are a counselor. We need your help. I need your help.” He said. “Look I do not know what you really think what we counselors do, but let me assure you we are not magicians. I will try my best to convince your wife, but do not have high hopes, because once a woman decides something, no one can change her decision. This I have learnt over the past few years.”  Saying this I however decided to help him and talk to his wife once. I told him to come to my house the next day on his scooter. I specifically asked him to get the scooter. He did not understand why I insisted on the scooter, but he however agreed to it.  

The very next day he came to my house with his wife.  He did get the scooter as I had requested. We first exchanged greetings and then I started the session. I first asked few normal questions to his wife and then came directly to the point. “So your decision about divorcing him is final? Don’t you want to reconsider?” I asked. “Yes it is final and there is no point in reconsidering, after several warnings and reminders too he has not changed and now it is more than I can handle. It is better we get separated. I know he loves me a lot, but this is the most practical decision.”  She said. “I really hate it when people bring in practicality in between love. Feelings cannot be practical, love cannot be practical. If love and feelings were practical your own mother would disown you on the very first mistake you made or the very first time you back answered her. Love is just love; nothing should change your feelings for a person. Love isn’t just a word, it’s a commitment. Your parents stick by your side come what may because they love you. That is their commitment. When you marry or fall in love with someone it is yet another commitment. The form changes but the feeling is the same and the commitment is the same. Yes everyone has a right to be selfish. But ask yourself this, is it such a weak commitment from your side, are you so simple to break and so simple are your words and promises, are they so brittle, is your mantle so easily manipulated by circumstances and issues that at the first brink of difficulty you tend to run away.” I said. She was listening carefully. “You say you gave him several warnings, are you in a marriage or a war. Frankly, these days I see people have actually forgotten the meaning of companionship and marriage. You say you don’t trust him, he doesn’t listen to you, he does things in his own manner, he takes decisions on his own without consulting you. Were you looking for a puppet, or a human? You my friend even you are at fault. She is not the only one to be blamed, when you decided to marry her it was the day you signed up to share everything with her. Marriage is not only sharing a house or a bed, it’s about sharing your soul with that person. Love is not that complicated but it isn’t that simple too. Just saying ‘I love you’ will not suffice, make her feel that way. This is the reason why I have called you both here for a session. Now, you both will do exactly as I say. After this session I leave the decision of getting divorced completely on you two. Let us hope that does not happen.” I said. “What do we have to do?” asked my friend. “Do you both know how to ride the scooter?” I asked. “Yes.” They both replied together. “Pick up that piece of cloth lying there on the table in front of you and blind fold your husband.” I told my friend’s wife. Both were hesitant about this, they did not understand what I wanted to do. She however blindfolded my friend. “Now, you will ride the scooter and your husband will ride behind you. You will ride to your house and come back. On the way your husband is not allowed to remove the cloth from his eyes. While coming back you will be blindfolded and your husband will ride the scooter and the same rules apply to you. In any case the person blind folded will not get down remove the cloth and ride. If each of you wants to get what they want, then you will not deviate from this. If you want to convince your husband for divorce and if you want to convince your wife for staying then take this very seriously.” I said. They were still confused, but they agreed to do it. Humans are selfish they would do anything like a fool in order to get their work done. She held his hand and guided him outside the house. She then slowly guided him to sit on the scooter. He sat, keeping one hand on the back railing of the scooter and the other one on her shoulders. When she started the scooter, he kept both his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t drop me.” He said with a hint of laughter. “Haha very funny.” She too said this with some laughter. For a second they both found this weird, but I did know why they felt so, they had not spent enough time laughing with each other. However explanations had to come later. “Now ride safely and be back here in 20 mins. I have to leave in 20 mins for another appointment.” I said. They left and came back in 20 mins, this time my friend riding the scooter and his wife sitting behind blindfolded. He held her hand and guided her inside. When they sat, I told my friend to remove the cloth from her eyes.

“Now, tell me in detail as to what happened on the road, do not leave a single thing.” I said.

“Well, while going home, I found it very weird. However, I still rode, because I somehow wanted to do this as you said this could convince him to get a divorce, I did not understand the logic but I still did ride. Then on the road some people looked at us, some found this weird, some pointed at us, yet some even laughed but I did not react, we had to go fast and come back soon. So I ignored them. When we reached home. I slowly stopped the scooter, he alighted. It was funny so we both laughed. Then he blindfolded me and he rode. I think he may have experienced something similar.” His wife said. He nodded in agreement. “Kunal what is the meaning of all this, I know you have explanations, you usually use examples to explain things, so now explain.” My friend said. “I will explain but first answer this; I had asked you to come back in 20 minutes why did you come back in just 15. How did you manage to get here 5 minutes earlier?” I asked. “How is that relevant? You said you wanted to leave so I took a shortcut.” He said. “Everything is relevant my friend.” I said. “Now are you not surprised he took a shortcut or did he already tell you that he is taking a shortcut?” I asked his wife. “No he did not tell me anything, but any way how does that matter, we reached here in time didn’t we?”  

I smiled. “You both found this meaningless yet you did it because you both wanted to convince each other. It is exactly the same with marriage, it is totally meaningless but we still marry, we still fall in love because we have one motive, we need someone in our life, whom we can call to be ours. We want someone to take care of us, make us feel special, make us feel happy. All this is impractical, illogical so never ever take decisions of love and marriage with your brains.” I said this looking at my friend’s wife. She did understand my point. “Life is totally meaningless and totally unpredictable, we plan to some extent, we know certain things to some extent but we still do not know what will happen. The moment the person, who was blindfolded boarded on the scooter, he or she knew the way, both knew how to ride the scooter, but the one blindfolded had this little doubt that they may fall. What did you do then, you tightly held the shoulders of your wife, and you held him from the waist, both did that just to make sure you do not fall. Love and marriage are similar, hug your partner tight, hold your hands tight that come what may you do not fall in life and get separated. Life will bring along a lot of storms and many twisted turns, do not let go each other, hold each other. The person riding made sure they missed potholes and rode carefully so that they do not scare their partner, in life when you take decisions; see to it that they do not bring a horrific circumstance for your partner. (This is said looking at my friend) Remember you are not riding alone, the person sitting behind you cannot see the road, and so they are relying on you. Take the best possible road. The person sitting behind did not know where their partner is riding, though with the fear of falling down they held their partner and did not question much about the route as they knew that the partner knows the road and also knows how to ride the scooter, similarly in life do not doubt your partner so much, trust them, and do not have such a brittle trust, that it breaks so easily, trust your husband he knows how to handle life, he has also had experiences in life, he is mature enough to handle stuff, he also knows he has a wife and he has to plan accordingly, just ignore the doubts and trust him for once. Life will bring in criticizers; people who would laugh at you and further some who would even want to separate you ignore them and ride ahead. Remember when things go well between you two there will be a lot of people who would be jealous. Be ignorant about them and be careful as to not be affected by them. Ride together, enjoy each other forget the world. You both went to your house and came back, before time. He took a shortcut and you were ok with it because the ultimate goal was to reach your destination in time. With love and marriage it’s the same thing, do not question every decision he takes or ways he does things, and just focus on the ultimate destination. You both made it here in time that is what mattered.  Marriage and love have the same destination and that is eternal togetherness and happiness for each other with each other and finding it within each other. If you want to live such a married or love life, forget the inhibitions questions and just ride together, it is illogical, it is impractical but it is love it does not have to be logical or practical only then you will be able to enjoy its magic.” I now looked at both of them. They did understand my point. They were looking at each other and pondering. “Both of you are also missing laughter in your marriage. Remember laughter is not a simple thing, it is a beautiful thing, when you laugh together as a couple you bring in a lot of happiness and permanent cementing to your relationship.  Some jokes, some pranks, and a lot of laughter are very important.”

“Kunal, all this is fine, but what if one still has doubts? What if one still does not trust the way the other is behaving?”

Asked my friend’s wife. “Did I ever tell you guys not to ask each other anything on the way to your house and back, did I say do not speak at all, and was I there to see if you removed the cloth from your eyes just to have a glimpse and then put it back.” I said. She smiled she had understood. “Ask each other talk to each other more, clarify to the deepest root, do not just assume things or do not just build rigid views about each other, as you are scared, so is your partner. In this case your husband is scared to lose you. Talk to him.”

“Yes I am scared to lose you. I love you madly and I never wanna see a day without you. I agree I may have made mistakes, but then who will correct me? Who will make me know my mistakes? I am not at all stressed when you keep pointing my mistakes I enjoy that, I am just stressed with the idea of you leaving me.” My friend said this with tears in his eyes. His wife just hugged him. I was happy. Now, these two were never gonna go for a divorce. I thank God that he helped me do this. After the emotions cooled down we had some tea. “Kunal you said you had an appointment and you had to go somewhere.” My friend said. “Yes I have to go to a party; you are throwing the party and inviting me to it.” I said. We all laughed together. “So this scooter theory, where did you find it from?” His wife asked. “Well, I never share the trick of my trade.” I said. We all laughed again.

They both left together, happy and together. I bid them goodbye, took my bike and started riding. I wish I could convey this theory to someone I rode with once. I wish she could have learnt it. To my readers and all the couples out there, do not complicate love with practicality or doubts or inhibitions, yes we are humans and it is natural to have all three but talk to each other. Separation is not the solution to anything, life is too short and we all have to go to the same destination. Live, love and above all laugh a lot. Hold each other tight, do not doubt, ride your life safe, enjoy being with each other. Love each other madly and above all believe in the magic of love. This Valentine’s day I wish a lot of love to all my readers, may every heart find love this Valentine ’s Day and no heart goes through the pain of separation. God bless each and every one.

" If I could ever meet God in person, the only thing I would ask him is to grant me your love, grant me your togetherness, I would ask him to grant me one dream, a dream of being your arms forever."