A chat with God.

After a tiring day at work and some burying of memories I was about to sleep, when I got a call on my phone. I answered the phone. “Mr. Kunal Patrawala?” asked the man on the other side. “Yes” I replied. “My client would want to meet you in person. I am waiting with the car below your apartment. If you could be kind enough to come with me my client would be happy.” He said. “What is this about?” I asked. “It has been brought to my client’s notice that you are a very good counselor and he has some issues which he wants to discuss with you. He is badly in need of you.” It was around 11. P.M in the night, I was a little hesitant to go. “It’s too late. Would it be fine if I meet your client tomorrow in the day time?” I asked. “I am afraid that won’t be possible. He has to leave tomorrow. He has just got tonight to talk to you.”  “I do not handle clients at this late hour. If your client cannot meet me tomorrow then I guess he may have to meet up some other counselor where ever he is going. I am not an expert in my field there others too.” I replied. I was actually not in the favour of going. “Well, Kunal it is really very important otherwise my client would not have disturbed you so late in the night.” He said. I gave it a thought and decided to just go down and meet the person. If he really would be a serious case I would help or else would just deny any further assistance. 

I got dressed up in my normal attire of a jeans and a t-shirt and went down. There was a limousine standing right in front of my gate. At any other time I would have been impressed but not today. There were two men standing at the back door of the limo in a standard security posture. One of the men opened the back door, “My client is waiting.” He said. I could recognise that he was the one who spoke to me over the phone. I entered the limo. “Oh! So it’s you. Why am I not surprised.” I said. “Well, Kunal, you know how important it is for us to meet every now and then. Besides it has been a long time you visited me. After you left things, have changed over there. We are still not able to figure out though, as to what to do with you?” He said. He was sitting wearing a black suit, a proper hairstyle, and a smart watch. This time he had a tablet pc in his hands. “So you and your people are still not able to decide what to do with Me.? So have you come to take my advice on it?” I asked. “No, I am here for some other personal reasons.” He said. “Don’t tell me. You are having personal issues? What you are having an addiction or are you filing for a divorce or your girlfriend dumped you. I do not think you would be having any such issues. These issues are just faced by us. The worst part is you never help us in this.” I said. “Kunal, I know you are angry with me on a lot of stuff and yes I agree that sometimes I do not help ASAP. But I always help in some form or the other. But if you will be kind enough to just keep our differences apart and listen to me at least once.” He said. “I will listen to you. But you know, I do not take sessions for free so you will have to pay me for my help.” He immediately got his cheque book out and wrote a cheque. “In cash please, I do not believe in banks these days since the Nirav Modi incident has happened.” I said. “You know you are talking to me right?” He asked throwing out his attitude of being a superior being. “Yes I know I am talking to you, so I do not have faith in your cheque, because even it may get cleared after ages, like your help comes after ages. So cash please.” I said.  “He waved his men standing outside to get the cash from the bag kept in the front seat. They got me my money. “Happy? Now can we continue? Will you listen to me now?” He asked. “Of course you are officially my client now and I am a very professional counselor so go ahead and speak.” 

“Kunal, it has been ages now that I am living this life. People come to me with different demands and they expect me to help them. I do help some and I do not help some. I thought that it is OK to help people and they will remember me always. But…..” He stopped and looked down feeling sad. “No one remembers you once they are done with you my friend. They leave you walk away and they leave a void in your heart. Everyone in this world is with you for a motive.” I said. “Yes and that hurts Kunal. I mean don’t you feel at times that people be with you they be around you. They don’t leave you lonely?” He asked me. “I do but, that cannot be changed. I cannot force people to stay with me. Yes I do feel lonely, in fact very lonely at times but what can I do about it. You have to learn to cope up with it.” I said. “How do I handle it, Kunal? I know you can understand this very well. You pour your heart to friends, family and someone special and every time they leave you and walk away. How do you cope up with this everytime?” He asked. “Pretty simple make new friends. There is no other solution to this. Fall in love again; make a new approach to your family.”  I said. “Kunal that is not simple. You of all people should know this. Heartaches, betrayals, such things leave you devastated and lonely. I am very lonely Kunal.” He said with a very saddened face. “Come on now, do not be a cry baby. You are God and you can do anything. People come to you for praying, they look up to you in their time of despair and sorrow. You should not be feeling lonely; bloody you have a huge fan following out there. These people including my parents love you so very much. How can you be lonely God?” I asked. “That is the problem. Kunal, just like others even you think that God does not need anyone. The truth is I am the loneliest entities of all, you are right people do come to me, but they come with their prayers, they come to me with tears, they come to me with their issues. I help them. After that they forget me. They don’t love me Kunal they need me. There is a difference. They don’t talk to me, they beg to me. Once their lives are normal they do not sit back to talk to me. I am not what the scriptures tell you. I am just as human as you humans. Even I feel sorrow, pain and loneliness. Even I want to talk to someone. Even I want a best friend with whom I can share stuff with or cry out with him or her when the need be. Even I want to feel the romance of someone special. I want people to love me not to need me. I want them to even share their joys with me and not just sorrow. Agreed I am the all mighty and all, but Kunal it feels nice when someone comes and gives you some good news in person. Some people do some special rituals when they are happy, they do it out of fear and not out of love. They follow rituals to the book and they finally think they have not forgotten me. They waste money on expensive things. I do not want that. Spend that money on people who need it. I just want their time to talk to me. I want to personally talk to every child of mine. All they do is read scriptures, chant mantras, learn The Bible or The Quran, they never ask me how do I feel. Kunal, is it so difficult to just ask a normal question to God ‘How are you feeling God today?’” There was a long pause between us. I was looking at him. He was almost teary, but he did not cry. “Do it. Don’t stop.” I said. He looked at me. “Come on God cry it out buddy. I know you need to cry. Even I wanted to after my break up last   year, but I was not   that lucky like you to have anyone around to cry. You are lucky you have me so cry it out.” I giggled. He too started laughing. “You seriously are pathetic Kunal.” He giggled even more.

“God I am sorry. Being someone, who has understood, and seen loneliness so closely, I left you alone. I was looking for love elsewhere, when all I had to do is just hug you. I got betrayed by pathetic friends because I never looked at one friend who had always put his hand across to me. God I am very sorry I blamed you always for not helping me; the fact is you were always standing there only I was so egoistic not to seek your help. You gave me the best of talents, you made me a funny person and above all you made me a warrior who never ever gives up in his life. Today, I am a good writer, a good business man, I make everyone around me laugh but I never ever thought of just looking and sharing a joke with you. I never gave it a thought that the most supreme authority, God, can also be lonely. I spoke to strangers but someone who knows my soul inside out, who can read my sorrow through my eyes, someone who stood by me all this time, I did not speak to him. I ignored you, but you still stood there. I know how bad it feels to be ignored but I still ignored you. God I am very sorry I hurt you so very much. You are right God I am a pathetic person.” I said.  He hugged me. It was the best hug ever. He wiped my tears and his too. Then he waved his men to get a beer for us. “God you drink beer?” I asked totally amazed. “Well, not always but only when I am with my best friend.” We both giggled. The time was passing by and God and I were having the best conversation. I realized one thing for sure, talking to God is not all that bad, infact it is far better than talking to strangers on WhatsApp or Facebook. He kept on sharing so much stuff and so many jokes. He made me laugh, and he too intently heard my views on many things. Ultimately it was dawn. “Kunal now I have to leave. But today, I am happy I am leaving with our friendship.” I reached for my wallet got my business card out, “God this is my card, call me whenever you want to have a good time. Let’s hang around sometime soon let’s say we can go for a movie or a bike ride together.” I said. We both giggled at this. “You seriously are funny my friend, handing over your business card to God himself.” He said.  “Oh come on God you are my best friend. You should have my card.” He took my card looked at and kept it in his wallet. “Hey God what about you, how can I get in touch with you whenever I want to talk to you?” I asked. He looked at me and said, “Kunal, I am already connected to you, and every human, all you have to do is just take my name and I am right at your side buddy. Besides, do not worry I will always listen because the reception up there is superb. I am always in your heart Kunal, I am always in your good deeds, every time a person smiles because of you, and I will be standing right at your side clapping for my buddy. Every time you feel sad I will be there to give you my shoulder to cry and tell you ‘come on now you are Kunal Patrawala you cannot give up, come on you are the miracle maker’ I will always be with you partying in the form of your close and true friends, and remember I do drink when I am with my best friend, and that is every human who loves me and does not need me. Kunal, remember I will hug you when the whole world has left you alone, and I will never leave your side ever buddy. See you soon.” 

I woke up. I do not want to get into details whether it was a dream or was it my subconscious mind that has been at war about believing or not believing in God. But one thing is for sure, people need God they do not love him and hence their prayers never get answered. God is not selfish, but he is someone who is asking for your love. Do not love him because he will give you some blessings in return, but just love him for what he is. Talk to him, instead of praying and trust me that will work much better. Miracles do happen all it takes is you to make it happen. God is always with you talk to him guys, crack a joke for me, sometimes make him laugh, wipe his tears, have a beer with him because he always drinks with his best friends.