THE REAR VIEW MIRROR THEORY

Rear View Mirror

 “Kunal, it is not easy to get over a divorce. I spent 2 years with him and I cannot just forget him in an instance. Would you be able to forget someone you loved, so easily?” I was asked this question by a friend who had just gone through a divorce proceeding and was now sitting with me discussing how difficult it is for her to get over her ex-husband.

I often come across broken relationships and one common thing I find in them is that they all have the pain of forgetting the moments, the beautiful moments. I cannot say I do not understand the pain and we all have to become insensitive, after all, I have been a victim to this pain. However, we have to live with it and find a solution to it. Until date, I was not able to find an easy way to put to it to people, how to forget your ex. However, today, the friend of mine had given me the opportunity to invent a new way of getting across my point to people. It is just very simple actually. The answer was right in my parking lot and I did not observe it in that manner.

“I agree, I would not be able to forget someone I loved, so easily. Right now, I cannot think of anything else to say. By the way, can you please drive me to Pune tomorrow? I am not in the mood to drive.” I answered her.

“Of course I can. I need a change. May be we can have fun on the trip. May be watch a movie in Pune or we can just keep driving on the relaxing road to Pune.”

The next day she came to pick me up. As per my reputation, I was ready on time. I took a seat in the passenger side. Of course was not in the mood to drive. Once we hit the highway, I said, “Can you drive the car looking into the rear view mirror. I mean completely up to Pune. Just look in the rear view mirror and drive.” She looked at me quizzically and then said, “Kunal, though I am going through a bad time, but I have no intention of committing suicide. No one can drive looking just in the rear view mirror. You have to look straight to drive straight.”  “There is the answer to the question you asked me last evening. Life is also just like driving a car. You can never drive looking in the rear, the past. You have to sit in the present, look towards the future and drive.” She smiled. She knew I was right, she had to let go off her feelings and her sorrow in order to move ahead in life. “But, Kunal, we have to look in the rear view mirror every now and then to see whether someone from behind does not bump into our car. How would you explain your ‘Rear View Mirror’ theory on that?”

She had a valid point; to her surprise, I had an even valid explanation. “You are right we often see in the rear view mirror to check whether no car bangs us from behind. In relation to life, let us consider the view in the rear view mirror as your past, the present position of your car to be your present, the road ahead as your future. When you are driving your own life, you always look behind that the past does not hamper your present as you are progressing towards your future. However, as I had stated before you cannot be looking in the rear view mirror if you want to go ahead on the road. Often for hours, we do not even look in the rear view mirror when we are moving ahead in full swing and that is a good sign.” She was now looking at me with gleaming eyes. She knew no one could provide her a more apt explanation for this. “You know some people hire drivers to drive their cars?” I asked. She looked at me and said, “Yes, often because they cannot drive their own cars.” “Correct.” I said. She looked at me and said, “Can we hire someone to drive our life?” I smiled, I knew this question will arise and I was already having the answer. Many of my readers already know what I am going to say. NO. “Well, that’s what you did right, hired your, not so good husband to drive your life. You thought he will take care of you love you and make things happen for you. He will make you happy. However, you landed up being sad and lonely today, missing him and feeling depressed about how things went by. The problem with us humans, including me too, is that we often relate our happiness with someone else. We think they are the reason for our happiness and their mere existence in our lives will make us happy and super-prosperous. The fact is the driver is never bothered about how the car is, he is not afraid of accidents; he knows the cost will be borne by the owner. Life is your car, your driver, the person you decide to have in your life to make you happy, is not bothered if he/she one day walks away, as they already know that the cost of pain will be paid by you and not them. Remember, it is always better to drive your own car, if you do not know how, learn it. Life is the only driving school that gives you ‘ON THE ROAD DRIVING LESSON’ it directly makes you sit in the driving seat and tells you to handle the steering and drive your own car. We learn to drive our own life in the way we want, we are always careful we do not harm it or damage it in any manner, any route we go on we always know we will find a way out as we are the drivers of our own lives. Remember, there is no route that will make you lose everything. Every new route will take you to a new place and give you a new experience.” She was smiling. She knew she should learn not to relate her happiness to her ex-husband and the memories she had with him. Instead she should find new motives of life, may be take a new degree in education, learn something new that she has never learnt before, do something she feared before, try out new things to do, go to new holiday destinations.

We arrived at a roadside food joint. I told her to pull back and park the car there. She did as I said. We got out of the car had some refreshments. I told her “Now please drive me back to Lonavala.” She looked at me surprised. “Kunal, we are not yet at Pune. You said you had some work there right?” “Yeah, my work is done. Moreover, yes can I drive the car please? I enjoy driving a lot.” I said. “So all this was just to make me understand.” She asked with a hint of surprise in her voice. “Yes, of course, otherwise, I love to drive and ride. I can drive for hours and hours without getting bored. However, I wanted to make you learn something so made you drive. I hope thoughts have sunk into your brains. (Giggles)” She too started giggling.

“You are right Kunal, I had given away the steering wheel of my life in the hands of my husband who took me for granted and made me pay with pain. He damaged my life and my emotions. Now I guess I will never allow anyone else to drive my life ever. I am the only reason of my happiness and prosperity; I will progress in my life and see to it that my past does not hamper my present and my progress towards my future. I will not fall weak to emotions and give up. I will progress in life without always looking in the rear view mirror.” She said it with moist eyes. I knew the pain she had gone through. She just needed a push out of it. In fact, all of us just need that little push out of our pains. I hope I can get as many people as possible out of pain and sorrow just with that little push. “Now can I have the keys of the car please?” I asked. She said, “No, Of course not, you just said never allow anyone to drive your car. So I am going to stick to it.” She got into the car laughing. I too took the passenger seat giggling. I was happy she was now smiling. After all that’s my job as a miracle maker, make everyone smile.